Leap of Faith
by Dakota-Jones
Summary: Chas takes the ultimate leap of faith to help John. At least, what a teenage boy would consider an ultimate leap of faith. Chastine slash included. COMPLETED!
1. Default Chapter

Title: Leap of Faith

Author: fatedtoflames (DJ)

Pairing: Chastine

Rating: PG-13 thus far

Summary: Chas takes the ultimate leap of faith to help John.

* * *

"No, John, no! No fuckin' way! Look, I'm dedicated and all, I'd go to Hell and back to help, but this is _too far, _John!"

John simply watched with an amused expression, idly smoking a cigarette as his apprentice paced the room like a caged tiger. Chas's fists were clenched, his jaw was set, and he was blushing furiously.

"Just one week, Chas. You can handle it," John said gently.

Chas groaned. "A _week_? Why don't _you_ do it?"

"I could never pull it off, kid…you took an acting class in high school, didn't you?"

Chas gave John an incredulous look. "John, in high school theater classes they don't cover miniskirts and bikini waxes."

John simply smirked. "Stop making excuses, Chas. Any demon in that place would recognize me in an instant. Miss _Chas_tity Ann Carmichael, however…"

Chas's face paled. "Oh, no. Oh, _hell_, no."

John shrugged, putting out his cigarette. "Fine. If you can't pull off a simple undercover operation like this one, I'll assume you can't do any of the others either. Looks like you're stuck bein' a driver, kid…I'll call BZR and tell them Chastity changed her mind," he said, standing up and moving to leave the room.

Chas watched him, his mind torn. He really wanted to impress John, show him that he could handle anything thrown his way, but this…going into BZR, undercover, as a teenage girl doing summer help…

It was humiliating. It was _beyond _humiliating. But he didn't want to look weak.

"Fine, fine. I'll do it. But you owe me, John, you hear me? _You owe me_."

John turned, a triumphant smirk on his face. "Good. Let's go see a friend of mine, _Chastity_."

* * *

An hour later, Chas was screaming in agony.

"Oh, honey, stop with the screaming. I'm almost finished," the man standing above Chas said, scooping more hot wax out of the jar beside him. The man was Karlos, an extremely gay man who seemed to know everything there was to know about disguises…and leg waxing. John watched on from across the room, barely holding back laughter at the whole situation.

"John…you're _dead_…you're _so_ dead…" Chas muttered, yelping in pain as another yank tore another strip of hair from his leg.

"Well, you can't exactly wear a skirt with that much hair on your legs…" John said apathetically with a shrug. "I don't plan on you looking like a drag queen. I plan on you looking like a _girl_."

"Don't you worry, Chas. It will be a…liberating experience," Karlos said, stepping back to admire his work. "And you do have really nice legs, you know," he added after a moment, and Chas scowled, slowly sitting up.

"Why can't I wear pants? Why do I have to wear a _skirt_?" He asked, pouting.

Karlos clicked his tongue. "Well, the corset wouldn't work as well or look as good in pants."

"_Corset_?"

"Well, you don't exactly have natural feminine curves," John said quietly, and Chas glared at him. Before he could say a word, however, Karlos grabbed him by the jaw and tilted his head toward the light.

"Alright, let's see what I have to work with," he said, running his fingers roughly down Chas's jawline. "We'll need to accentuate your cheekbones…add some false eyelashes…you really need a nose job, but that can wait…"

"Hold on a second, a nose job? And you're gonna do _what_ to my eyelashes?"

Karlos grinned. "Oh, the eyelashes are the easy part. Just wait till you find out what we have to do with your fake chest and ass."

He left the room, probably to get more supplies, and Chas looked up at John, absolutely horrified. "You aren't gonna let him do all that…are you?"

John just smirked.

* * *

When Chas walked out of the makeup room, John's jaw practically hit the floor.

The person standing in front of him wasn't a skinny teenage boy; far from it. In front of him was a doe eyed curvy young woman with long, wavy brown hair, a glowing complexion, a generous amount of cleavage, full glossed lips, and a form fitting black skirt and red tank top.

He started to say something, stopped, rephrased it, started again, stopped, and ended up just staring. Karlos was absolutely beaming, one hand on Chas's shoulder.

"Isn't he gorgeous? I mean, I did what I could with the canvas you gave me, but it turned out better than I hoped," Karlos said, and Chas timidly looked up at John, so meek and innocent-looking that it was hard to believe who it actually was.

"Karlos…you're a genius," John finally said, shaking his head as he circled Chas…well, Chastity.

"Now, he can't wear open-toed shoes, because no amount of makeup and waxing are going to make his feet look feminine. And he'll have to check the wig often to make sure his own crazy hair isn't peeking out. Other than that, it's just his etiquette, posture, voice, and walking in heels," Karlos explained.

Chas sighed, obviously exasperated. "There's _more_?"

"Lots more, darlin'. You may look like a poster girl for Elle magazine, but the first word and first step are gonna give you away if I let you leave like this," Karlos pointed out, and John chuckled.

"This could take a while, then," he said, and Chas glared at him, though it wasn't as effective now that he looked so damn girly.

Karlos ignored the glares and snide comments alike. "In that case, let's start with walking."

Chas snorted. "I know how to walk, asshole."

"No, actually, you don't. Also, refrain from cursing while in drag, it's not good for your general feminine appearance, hon. Now, walk across the room."

John raised an eyebrow. Chas was in heels; that ought to make this interesting.

And it did. In about three steps, Chas was flat on his face on the floor.

The next hour was a slow process of trying to teach Chas how to walk, sit, climb stairs, and talk. John suddenly felt sorry for all the women he'd ever met who gave a damn about the way they looked; they had a lot to think about, everything from how to sit in a skirt to how they could lean over.

Nuts. Insanity. John was so very glad at that point that he was born male.

By the time the sun went down that night, Chas was utterly exhausted, and Karlos was about to shoot him anyway. They decided to call it a night even though Chas's first day at BZR was the very next morning- and John still wasn't sure if the kid could pull it off.

He looked the part, but acting it was a whole different story…


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Leap of Faith (Part Two)

Author: fatedtoflames (DJ)

Pairing: Chastine

Rating: PG-13 thus far

Summary: Chas takes the ultimate leap of faith to help John.

* * *

By the time Chas was three steps in the door, he regretted every single time he'd ever stared at a pretty girl as she entered the room.

All eyes locked on him as the automatic doors slid shut behind him, and he shifted uncomfortably before approaching the front desk.

_Head up, walk smooth, remember your balance, don't run into anything, don't trip…_

The man at the desk looked up as Chas approached the desk, and Chas felt like throwing out a few choice words when the man's gaze locked on his chest.

"I'm Chastity Carmichael," Chas said, shifting his voice to where he'd been told to speak. His voice was still pretty low for a girl, but it was more sultry than fake. At least, that's what John said. "I'm here for the summer job…"

The man cleared his throat. "Right, right…the boss has been expecting you. If you'll just take a seat, I'll have someone come to get you and take you to him."

Chas nodded, slowly turning around and heading back to the waiting area. He heard a light cat call and he could _feel_ every guy in the room staring at him like a hunk of fresh meat- not to mention he could feel the glares from the women present.

He couldn't understand how women handled this all day every day…

He kept his head up as he sat down and crossed his legs. It wasn't something he was used to, to say the least- but neither was wearing a knee-high skirt and a corset. Karlos had spent two hours that morning at John's apartment, tweaking Chas's look until he was the same pouty-lipped doe-eyed girl as last night.

"You still fuckin' owe me…" He muttered to John under his breath.

"Miss Carmichael?"

Chas looked up, and a man in a suit was standing there with a clipboard.

"He's ready to see you. Come with me," the man said, turning and beginning to walk away. Chas got up, stumbled, got his balance, and caught up with the man as quickly as he could.

"Uh…does my boss have a _name_?" He asked quite timidly. This guy looked like a mafia hitman.

"There are rules," the man said, ignoring Chas's question. "Refer to him as 'sir'. Don't show the slightest amount of disrespect or you will be let go on the spot. Don't speak unless he gives you permission. Understood?"

"Yeah, but-"

"Good. Take the elevator to the eighth floor, then go down the hallway to the left. He'll be waiting for you in conference room B."

Chas wanted to make a very snide remark, but then remembered that he was supposed to be acting ladylike. So instead, he waited until the man turned his back, then he flipped him off before heading for the elevator, almost falling on his face again.

Another guy stepped into the elevator with a woman, and Chas kept to one side of the elevator, trying to ignore how the man's eyes traveled up and down his body like a judge inspecting a show dog.

The woman whispered something to the man and he looked away, and they got off at the third floor. As soon as the elevator doors closed again, Chas leaned against the wall of the elevator and sighed heavily.

_I can't do this, _he thought, his feet already aching from the heels. _John thinks I can do this, but he's wrong. I'm gonna screw this up, I know it._

The doors slid open on the eighth floor and he stepped out, looking both ways down the hallway. He went left, nervously eyeing each door as he passed it.

This floor was quiet. Too quiet.

He walked down to conference room B, and he knocked lightly, nervously shifting his weight as he waited. There was some hushed conversation, and then a voice said, "Come in, Miss Carmichael."

Chas pushed the door open and stepped in, looking around curiously at the large, mirrored boardroom before his eyes settled on the people standing by the table. One he recognized as the man John described as Balthazar, a merciless half breed demon. The other was a man that hardly looked 25, handsome and impeccably dressed.

"Chastity Carmichael, is it?" Balthazar asked, extending his hand for a handshake, his voice smooth and dark. Chas shook his hand and nodded, swallowing hard.

"This is Jared Miller. He'll be your departmental manager," Balthazar explained, gesturing to the man beside him. Jared smiled.

"We're delighted to have your help this summer, Miss Carmichael. You came highly recommended," Jared said, taking Chas's hand and kissing the back of it. Chas barely managed to not gag.

"I'm excited to be here, sir," he said, forcing a smile. "I was told it was an excellent opportunity for advancement in the field."

Balthazar smirked, stepping too close to Chas for comfort. Chas shrank back a bit, and Balthazar said, "With your experience thus far, I'm sure you know that any work you partake of in this building is a part of your non-disclosure agreement."

His voice had a tone that there was simply no arguing with. Chas nodded, leaning back. Of course, leaning back in heels for him was a trick- he almost fell, and Balthazar grabbed his arm with a painfully tight grip.

"Careful there, Miss Carmichael. Wouldn't want any _accidents_ on your first day," he whispered, his lips about a centimeter from Chas's ear. Balthazar let go and stepped away straightening his suit jacket. "Now, if you'll excuse me, Mr. Miller…I have a meeting. You will get Miss Carmichael settled in, won't you?"

Jared smiled. "Of course. Not a problem."

Balthazar left, and Jared's eyes settled on Chas. "Are you ready to get to work?"

Chas smiled. "I'm always ready."

"That's a good outlook. It'll take you places here," Jared said, leading the way out of the conference room and to the elevators. "Your office is on the fourth floor. For the first few days you'll be doing some filing, taking calls, the basics. Once we judge your drive and pace, we'll set you up with more important tasks."

The elevator doors closed, and as the elevator started down, Jared got a sly smile. "And there are many opportunities for promotion, with a little overtime."

Chas's eyebrow arched. "That wasn't in the employment agreement…"

"Oh, this is a little on the side work that you can do to advance quicker," Jared said, and quite suddenly he gave Chas's ass a rough squeeze. Chas yelped in surprise, but he couldn't respond because at that moment the elevator doors slid open.

Jared led a furious Chas over to his office, a small room with tons of filing cabinets, but at least it had a view. Chas walked up to the desk, but spun around as Jared shut the door behind them.

Before Chas could move Jared was pressed up against him, one hand holding Chas's hip tightly.

"You're a beautiful young woman, Chastity…I could have you managing a department in 6 months with enough _extra effort_ on your part," he said, his voice low as he backed away. "Keep that in mind. You won't regret it."

Quick as that, Jared was gone. Chas took a deep, shaky breath, straightening his skirt and looking back down at the desk again. There was a to-do list there, everything from calling clients to filing.

_This is going to be one hell of a long week_, he thought. He stepped around the desk…and promptly fell on his face.

* * *

Balthazar stood in his office, looking out over the city when Jared came in.

"She reeks of John Constantine," Balthazar growled out.

"With all due respect, you're being paranoid, sir," Jared said, dropping into a chair. "She doesn't have the sight, she's not aggressive, and she didn't seem to suspect a thing. No way in hell John Constantine would send in such a character."

"All the same…I want you to keep a close eye on Miss Carmichael. Get to know her better…_much _better," Balthazar said, knowing full well that Jared would know exactly what he meant.

Jared smirked. "That, sir, I will gladly do."


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Leap of Faith (Part Three)

Author: fatedtoflames (DJ)

Pairing: Chastine

Rating: PG-13 thus far

Summary: Chas takes the ultimate leap of faith to help John.

This chapter is dedicated to revolufantasy, who is not only an excellent writer, but a wonderful friend who's always uplifting to talk to. (And don't you forget it).

* * *

"The guy practically molested me on a desk, John!"

John chuckled, leaning forward on the table and putting out his cigarette. "Welcome to the world of big business, kid."

Chas practically growled, rubbing his face again. He was sure he'd never get the twelve-something layers of makeup off. "Look, _Constantine_…I had my eyebrows waxed, I've fallen fourteen times, I've had guys staring at my chest all day, I've dealt with the catcalls, the drooling idiots, _and _the jealous women sending me glares that could kill, and you want me to just _deal_ with sexual harassment on top of it?"

"Women do it every day. You can handle it."

"He was _feeling me_ _up_!"

"Who wouldn't?"

Chas looked up to see John smile deviously. He groaned, throwing his purse down on the table and walking away.

"I'm going to take a bath."

"Don't forget to shave," John called after him, and he received a flip from Chas's middle finger in return.

* * *

By the time Chas finished with his bath, John had started on his first glass of scotch.

"Did you shave?" John asked, barely looking up as Chas pulled out a box of cookies and dropped down at the table.

"Yes."

"_Everywhere_?"

"_Yes_."

Chas started to take a bite of a cookie, but John took it out of his hand, dropped it in the box, and pulled the box away from him.

"What the hell?" Chas asked angrily.

"How do you expect to fit into that corset if you eat a dozen cookies every night?"

"Very carefully. Give me the damn cookies."

"No."

Chas sneered. "I've given up my masculinity _and_ my wardrobe for you, and now you want me to give up _cookies_? You're out of your damn mind."

John was silent for a few moments, taking a swig from his glass. "Your real job starts tomorrow, kid."

Chas sighed heavily, dropping his forehead down onto the table and mumbling something that slightly resembled 'I hate you'.

"I need you to get into your boss's office and get me a few specific files."

Chas's head shot up from the table, and he gave John an incredulous look. "How the hell do you expect me to do _that_? In _heels_?"

"You said he gave you an offer for promotion…take it."

Chas's eyes widened, and for a moment he stuttered in shock. "You…I…_what_?"

"You heard me."

"John…no. No, no, no. Absolutely _not_."

"Losing your nerve?"

"There's a couple things about me he's gonna notice, John! I'm drawing the line at a sex change!"

John smirked, and then he took a cell phone out of his pocket and slid it across the table. "He won't get that far, kid."

Chas picked up the cell phone, studying it for a moment before looking at John curiously. "What, you want me to beat him over the head with a cell phone?"

"No. At exactly 10:10, I'm going to call you on your cell phone. If you've done your job well enough, you'll have the files by then, and the call will give you an excuse to hightail it out of there."

"And…what if the thing breaks? What if a demon attacks you? What if you don't call me soon enough? What if-"

"Chas, Chas, Chas…calm down. It'll work out. And I'm sure you'll come up with something if the call doesn't come."

"Oh, sure, you aren't worried 'cause you aren't the one getting _raped_!"

"It won't be rape if _you _seduce _him_."

Chas snorted and stood up, angrily grabbing the box of cookies from John.

"Don't touch my cookies, asshole."

With that, he walked out of the room, and John simply chuckled and lit up another cigarette.

* * *

_If he doesn't call me, he's dead meat, _Chas thought as he entered BZR the next day. He took the elevator up to his office, this time managing to stay on his feet. The whole 'walking in heels' thing definitely took practice, but at least it was getting easier.

"Heeeeey!"

Chas turned at the sound of the loud, annoying voice, and a woman half-ran down the hallway to him, looking like your normal young receptionist- a bit of a nerd, as well.

"I was just wondering where you got that skirt, Miss Carmichael. Oh, and the skirt you had on yesterday. I meant to ask you yesterday, but then I got busy on the phones, you know how that goes, I'm sure," she said all in one breath.

"I…uh…" Chas started, mentally panicking. _What am I supposed to tell her, a gay guy named Karlos buys all my clothes for me? _He thought.

"Oh, I'm so sorry! I forgot to introduce myself. My name is Tina. Tina Lindel," she said, grabbing Chas's hand and shaking it fiercely. Chas smiled, and then the phone in Tina's office began to ring.

"Oh, I have to go. So sorry," Tina said, starting to back up toward her office. "Look, if you need anything at all, just ask. I know how rough this place can be on newcomers!"

Chas breathed a sigh of relief, turning and heading back toward his office. He'd have to remember to ask Karlos where he bought all this shit so a scenario like that wouldn't happen again.

The rest of the morning went quickly, And at five till ten, Chas left and headed for Jared's office.

_Maybe he'll be at a meeting. Maybe he won't even catch me in there, _Chas thought, though he knew it was false hope. He pulled out the paper with the names on it that John told him to get, studying them carefully as he reached Jared's office.

_Here goes nothing_.

He pushed open the door, and sighed with relief when he found the office empty. He checked his watch- two minutes till ten.

He closed the door and headed over to the file cabinet, only to find it locked. He cursed and made a desperate effort, looking through Jared's desk drawers for the keys.

He found a key ring full of keys for filing cabinets, and after trying half of them he finally found the one that unlocked the filing cabinet. He found the five files he was looking for, and then checked his watch.

Four minutes till John would call. Maybe he wouldn't even need the call.

He put the files in the over-sized purse he was using today, put the keys back in the desk, and headed for the door…just as it opened up.

"Mr. Miller!" Chas said in mock surprise. "I, uh…I was wondering when you'd show up," he said, and Jared's eyebrow arched.

"Miss Carmichael…what are you doing in here?"

Chas swallowed nervously. "I was waiting on you. I, um...wanted to take you up on your offer, sir."

The door shut, and Chas jumped about a foot in the air.

"Is that so…" Jared said, stepping forward, backing Chas up against the desk. Chas stole a glance at his watch…still three minutes before John would call. He'd have to drag this out.

"Of course. I wasn't sure yesterday, but then…I…I thought about how much _possibility_ there could be with your offer," he forced a smile. "And about how _sexy_ you are."

It worked. He didn't know how, but it worked. Jared smiled, his hand moving to grab Chas's waist. "I'm glad you came to your senses, Miss Carmichael. Although…I must wonder what exactly convinced you…"

Chas knew he couldn't convince this guy with words. No way in hell would he be able to come up with a good enough excuse. Instead, he pulled Jared into a clumsy kiss.

He could barely keep from gagging in disgust when Jared immediately forced his tongue into the kiss, and he tried to pull back a just a little, but he couldn't move much at all when he was shoved up against the desk like this.

When he _really_ began to worry was when he felt Jared's hand tugging his skirt up, and the man's leg sliding up his bare leg. He suddenly realized why John had been so adamant about him shaving…

Jared's hand was just short of where he would _know _that Chastity wasn't quite as feminine as she seemed when a shrill sound broke the silence of the room.

"My…my phone," Chas said breathlessly, breaking away and grabbing the phone from the side pocket of his purse, his hands shaking.

"H-Hello?" _It's about damn time, asshole_.

"Thank goodness I could get ahold of you, _Chastity_. Your grandmother isn't looking good. You'd better get here," John said, using those words just in case Jared could hear- which he could, considering how close he was.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Miller…may I have the rest of the day off?" Chas asked, pretending to be distressed. Jared sneered, and then threw his hands up, walking around to the other side of his desk.

"Fine, fine. Go on," he muttered, getting right to his work with restrained but obvious anger. Chas said a quick 'thank you', and he was out the door as fast as he could go in heels.

_That was too close. Way too close_, he thought, breathing a sigh of relief as he entered the elevator.

John _definitely _owed him for this one.

And he was _damn well _eating as many cookies as he pleased tonight.


	4. Chapter 4

Back to updating, now that I'm done with my workshop stuff.

Title: Leap of Faith (Part Four)

Author: fatedtoflames (DJ)

Pairing: Chastine

Rating: PG-13 thus far

Summary: Chas takes the ultimate leap of faith to help John.

* * *

"Chas...this is the third time you've brushed your teeth in the past hour. You're going to rub your gums raw."

There was the sound of spitting, running water, and then Chas emerged from the bathroom and headed straight for the refrigerator. "You don't seem to understand, John…he had his _tongue_ down my _throat_."

"That tends to happen when you're making out."

"I was _not _an active participant, thank you very much," Chas muttered, grabbing a bottle of ketchup from the fridge and squirting it straight down his throat. John's face paled considerably in disgust as the boy swished the ketchup in his mouth then swallowed thickly.

"Chas…you're something else."

Chas ignored the comment, sitting down across from John and looking pointedly at the files. "At least tell me whatever you've got there was worth all that shit."

"Somewhat."

Chas's eyes widened. "Somewhat? _Somewhat? _What the _hell _is that supposed to mean?"

John chuckled. "Calm down, kid. It's a big help, but it's just one step. There's a lot more to do."

Chas's expression darkened considerably. "You know, John, he's not always gonna fall for the 'my grandma's sick' thing."

"I know. That's why this time, I need a few files from Balthazar's office."

Chas gaped at John, opening his mouth, closing it, opening it again, and then he stuttered for about thirty seconds.

"_Balthazar's _office? John, listen to what you just said…_Balthazar's office_," he repeated very slowly.

"I didn't teach you how to pick a lock for nothing, Chas," John said with a shrug, taking a swig from his whiskey.

"But he's a demon, John! He'll be able to, to…I don't know, _smell _me or somethin'…"

"He's a demon, not a tracking dog."

"But _still_, he-"

"_Chas._" John said that one word with such a tone that Chas stopped mid-sentence. The exorcist stood up, taking a swig of his whiskey and setting the glass down before walking around the table to where Chas sat. To Chas's absolute shock, John cupped the boy's face in his hands, forcing Chas to look up at him.

"Chas, listen to what I'm saying," he said sternly. "I swear on my life, I will _never_ put you in a situation that I don't think you'll be able to handle. And I'll be there to help, to step in whenever I can. Understand?"

Chas nodded numbly, and John dropped his hands to Chas's shoulders, nodding.

"Good. So, tomorrow morning I'll have that list of files for you. You be thinking of how you can get into that office without getting caught…I don't think your talents with deep throating some guy's tongue will get you off the hook with a paranoid half breed," he said, walking away.

Chas blushed furiously, and really meant to throw out a comeback, but he couldn't manage to form words.

_What just happened? _He thought, shaking his head to try and clear it of the confusing thoughts.

But all the efforts of his mind couldn't explain the nervous fluttering in his stomach.

"Let's see…blush rose gloss for his lips, and maybe a little more eyeliner, then he'll be ready," Karlos said, studying a very-sleepy Chas like an artist judging a mostly-finished painting.

John looked up from the files on his table, scrutinizing Chas expertly. "Nah, skip the eyeliner. His eyes look fine just like that," he said before turning back to the files.

"John, hon, I know you appreciate his boyish looks, but we need him looking like a _woman_, not just a pretty boy," Karlos said, applying the eyeliner anyway.

"You know, I'm right here…" Chas pointed out, already sick of being dressed up like a porcelain doll each morning, and listening to them bicker about what shade his eye shadow should be, or what color made him look most feminine.

"Hold still. You don't want me stabbing you in the eye, do you?" Karlos asked.

"Right now that doesn't sound half bad," Chas muttered, although he did as he was told.

"You got a plan yet, kid?" John asked Chas, and Chas shrugged.

"Kind of."

"Kind of?"

"It's…not quite cemented yet. I have to check a couple things."

"Well…let me give you a hint," John said. "From twelve till at least twelve thirty, Balthazar won't be in the building. See…one of his business associates gave him a call last night, and said they wanted to meet him for lunch on urgent business. But this business associate came down with the flu today and forgot to call him and tell him to call it off…"

Chas smirked. "You sneaky bastard."

"You're welcome. Oh, and by the way…" John reached into his pocket and pulled out a black plastic bag, setting it on the edge of the table. "Phone and computer taps. You know how to set them up…I want one on every phone and computer in Balthazar's office, while you're at it."

"Alright! Miss Chastity Carmichael is ready for work," Karlos said, stepping back. John looked up from the files again, and wrinkled his nose.

"Too much makeup."

Karlos rolled his eyes. "At least he looks like a _female_. I mean, these look completely genuine!" He said, placing one hand on Chas's chest- and for that, he received a slap on the arm.

"They may be _fake_, but keep your hands off them," Chas muttered, crossing his arms over his chest- which was a taught skill with breasts in the way.

Karlos chuckled. "Don't worry, Chastity…half of the women in LA are about as genuine as you. Now go have fun."

"Miss Lindel?"

Chas peeked over the mountain of paperwork on Tina's desk, and quickly spotted the petite brunette hunched over her keyboard, typing away furiously. She looked up at Chas and smiled.

"Good afternoon, Miss Carmichael. It's almost noon…shouldn't you be at lunch?" She asked, and Chas shrugged.

"Too much work. I'm skipping lunch today. Listen…I have a favor to ask."

"Sure."

"Jared told me to finish filing these client folders, but some of these are corporation clients and not individual clients. The cabinets for those are in Mr. B's office, not Jared's," Chas explained. He'd quickly learned the lingo here- and yes, Balthazar was simply called Mr. B around here. "I was wondering if I could borrow your key to his office to go and put the files away."

"Oh, I don't know," Tina said, obviously nervous. "He's out to lunch, and…he doesn't like people in his office when he's not there…"

Chas smiled. "I know. I would wait, but Jared really wanted me to have this done by the time he got back from lunch. It'll take me two minutes, tops."

Tina hesitated, and then smiled and shrugged. "I guess it couldn't hurt," she said, digging a key out of the drawer in her desk and handing it to Chas. "But make it fast, alright?

"Of course. Thank you!"

Chas took a deep breath and headed for the elevator. He was in, but now came the hard part.

And he almost got away with it, too. He got in, got the files into his bag, bugged the computer and phones, and was just turning to leave when a figure appeared in the doorway.

Balthazar. And he looked none too pleased to find Chastity Carmichael in his office.


	5. Chapter 5

Title: Leap of Faith (Part Five)

Author: fatedtoflames (DJ)

Pairing: Chastine

Rating: PG-13 thus far

Summary: Chas takes the ultimate leap of faith to help John.

* * *

Chas stared up at Balthazar for a few moments, stuttering helplessly.

"I'm, uh…I'm done with my filing, so I'll just get out of your way," he finally choked out, not having to work at the girl voice- his voice was already high-pitched out of fear. He attempted to move past Balthazar, but the man grabbed him roughly by the arm.

"What are you doing in here?" Balthazar asked venomously, using his free hand to slam the door shut- then lock it.

_Damn_.

"I…I had some filing that Jared wanted done before he got back, so I borrowed Miss Lindel's key…"

Balthazar leaned forward, grabbing a lock of Chas's hair and smelling it deeply. Chas was praying the whole time that he wouldn't pull on it, because with one harsh tug it could come off. Then he realized the absurdity of the fact that Balthazar was _smelling _his hair.

"Far too much hairspray…plastic compounds…glue…"

Balthazar yanked hard, and the wig painfully tore off, revealing Chas's unruly brown hair underneath. Then Balthazar's hand moved to Chas's torso, running roughly down his side.

"The smell of silicon…a stiff material through the shirt…" He said, grabbing onto the front of Chas's shirt and ripping it right down the front, revealing the corset and silicon fake breast inserts tucked into it.

"And if I'm not mistaken…a bit of extra baggage where there shouldn't be any," Balthazar growled, giving Chas's crotch a rough squeeze through his skirt. Chas yelped in surprise and jerked away, backing up toward the desk. Balthazar advanced on him, pushing him back against the desk, trapping him against it and leaning forward to whisper in his ear.

"And the _smell_ of John Constantine simply _permeates_ your every pore…"

Chas whimpered. _Now, John, would be a good time to prove to me that you meant it when you said you'd be here for me._

"What did he send you for, hmm?" Balthazar asked, grabbing Chas's bag from him and dumping it out onto the desk.

"Files, files…all known half breeds…you've been a naughty, nosey boy," he murmured as Chas backed toward the door.

Balthazar reached out and grabbed Chas by the front of his corset, yanking him back to the desk and then shoving him down onto it. He stood between Chas's legs, and with one flip of his hand, a blade snapped out of his sleeve into his hand.

"You want to be a girl so bad…I can make it permanent," he said, slashing at Chas's skirt. "That is...unless you tell me everything I want to know about your deal with the reclusive exorcist…"

Chas scowled at him. "I'm not telling you a damn thing."

Balthazar smirked. "Thought so," he said, pulling Chas up off the table and slamming the blade down into the wood. Then he dragged Chas over to the large floor-to-ceiling windows- and literally shoved him through the middle one.

He didn't let go of Chas's corset- so now Chas was cut up, bloodied, and hanging 32 stories off the ground. He quite suddenly knew why all the big executives in the movies had their offices on the top floor- to shove people out of the windows.

"Tell me, boy…what did he want you to do here?" Balthazar asked as Chas struggled and panicked. When he received no answer, his expression darkened.

"Keep in mind, child…if I drop you from this height, there will be _nothing left_ for a funeral. _Answer the question_."

A new voice suddenly came from inside the office. "Hand him over, Balthazar. Ask _me_ the questions."

Chas could've kissed John right about then for showing up- but now John had to get him back on solid ground. And from the look on Balthazar's face, that wasn't going to happen anytime soon.

"Well, now that you're here, I have no use for the boy," Balthazar said with a shrug…

…And then he let go.

The last thing Chas saw as Balthazar's grip released him was the horrified look on John's face.

He let out a shriek as he fell, flailing, but unable to do anything to slow or stop his fall. He managed to reach the side of the building, but only succeeded in tearing up his fingers trying to get a grip on smooth glass and riveted steel.

He heard gunshots from above, and time was going _so damn slow_…then, quite suddenly, he felt something wrap around him- arms. Warm arms encircling his waist, holding him back, like a parachute.

The wind was so loud, but then there was an eerie whisper, and he felt warm breath against his ear when the voice spoke.

"Not your time, Chas…not your time."

Then it felt as if his soul had been slammed out of his body.

Darkness.

When Chas woke up, everything seemed to hurt. His head was pounding with pain, his fingers were burning, and every movement send sharp pains through every limb.

"Chas? You awake?"

He blinked a few times, trying to get his eyes to focus. When they did focus, the first thing he saw was John Constantine- and he realized that he was in a hospital room. He barely nodded, and John reached up, using a hand towel to wipe sweat from the boy's forehead.

"How you feelin'?"

Chas cleared his throat, trying to sit up a little more and finding it easier than he'd feared.

"I…I think I'm okay…just sore…"

"Exactly," John said, leaning forward. "Chas…you fell thirty-two stories, and you only have a few scratches and torn up fingertips."

Chas swallowed hard.

"What happened, Chas? No one could survive that. You hit a cement _sidewalk_, and they're letting you out of the hospital _tonight_."

Chas hesitated. Of all people, John would be the most likely to believe him if he said supernatural forces were involved. "John, uh…I had some help with that."

"What do you mean, help?"

"Someone…someone grabbed me while I was falling. Slowed me down before I hit," Chas explained, his voice slurred from being so tired. John nodded, looking suspicious.

"John…what, um…what happened after I fell?" Chas asked, yawning in mid-sentence. He could barely keep his eyes open.

"I'll explain it to you when you're semi-coherent, kid," John said, brushing Chas's brown curls back from his face. Chas nodded, the whole room getting blurry again. John hesitated, looking as if he wanted to say something, but then he stopped. Chas murmured something not quite clear to him or John, and John smiled.

"You know what, Chas? I've got a lot of work to do on this, so…I'm takin' you home. I'll be damned if I'm gonna leave you here where anyone can walk in. At least you'll have the protective spells there."

Chas felt himself being lifted from the bed into John's arms, and then the world spun into darkness again.


	6. Chapter 6

Sorry about the gap in updating. I was on vacation, then I was ill for a week, then I was suicidal, but I'm better now.

Title: Leap of Faith (Part Six)

Author: fatedtoflames (DJ)

Pairing: Chastine

Rating: PG-13 thus far

Summary: Chas takes the ultimate leap of faith to help John.

* * *

Chas woke up slowly, his mind fuzzy from the medication he'd been on. He swallowed hard, his throat dry, and then he realize what had awakened him.

"No…yes, I know it's unheard of, but I'm going to make it heard of. Drop the charges. Drop _everything_."

Chas forced his eyes open, pushing himself up to a sitting position and looking around. He was back home, in John's apartment…in John's _bed_.

He'd always assumed John's bed was some kind of sacred portal, that anyone who tried to touch it except John would be struck down by lightening or something. But here he was, laying in John's bed, in just his boxers.

He'd been wearing more than just boxers at the hospital.

He was sleeping in John's bed, John had quite obviously stripped him down…

_Stop it, Chas. Stop right there._

"No, I completely understand, sir. I know about department policy. But I will tell you right now, Mr. Kramer will not be testifying."

_Who the hell is he talking to? _Chas thought, running his hand through his unruly hair. His whole body felt stiff, and his mind wasn't all that clear, but other than that he felt fine.

After falling 32 stories onto cement, it was an odd feeling.

"Good morning, Sleeping Beauty," John muttered with a chuckle, walking in and sitting down on the edge of the bed. "Have a nice nap?"

Chas nodded. "Um…how long have I been asleep?"

"About sixteen hours. Medication is probably half of it."

Chas looked at the clock- sure enough, it was 8:30 am.

"Want some breakfast, kid?"

Chas raised an eyebrow. "Did you just offer me breakfast?"

"Bacon and eggs. Bought 'em this morning, and I can cook 'em up in ten minutes."

"I'm dead, aren't I? I died, and you're some type of strange John apparition, and wait…is this Heaven or Hell? Cause this is pretty damn scary, but not really torturous…"

John laughed. "No, kid, you're not dead. You should be, but you're not. Now do you want breakfast or not?"

Chas let out a deep breath. "You've got to tell me what happened first. You promised."

John looked down for a few moments, and then he shrugged, reaching for a pack of cigarettes on the bedside table. "We struck up a deal."

Chas gave John an incredulous look. "You struck up a deal? With _Balthazar_?"

"It was the only option."

"Like _hell! _He dropped me out a _window_!" Chas shrieked, and John cringed.

"I know, kid, alright? I know. I was there," he said. "I couldn't tell the police why you were really there. I told them you were working undercover for a private detective friend of mine, trying to uncover a company scandal."

Chas set his jaw in frustration. "And me getting thrown out a window?"

"Corrupt departmental manager. At least he won't be sexually harassing anyone else."

"But John, he wasn't the one who-"

"As of this moment, he _did_," John said sternly, standing up. "Stay put. I'll bring you your breakfast."

Chas watched him go, leaning back against the headboard. Balthazar was getting away with attempted murder, and John wasn't even going to bother with pressing civil charges against the guy who he was blaming it on. In other words, it was over. And he'd accomplished nothing.

"Some great job you did. Now he'll never let you help," Chas muttered to himself, pouting. "You had to go and get dropped out a window…"

He stood up, shaking his head and trying to clear the fuzziness from his head. He shuffled to John's closet, grabbing John's one and only housecoat and pulling it on. He wasn't about to walk around John's apartment wearing just boxers, even if he got in trouble for touching John's stuff.

He shuffled out to the kitchen, rubbing his eyes sleepily, and he blinked a few times when he saw John at the stove cracking eggs and dropping them into a pan.

"I didn't know you could cook…"

"I can't," John said, looking up at Chas for a few moments. Chas expected a tongue lashing for wearing John's housecoat, but not a word about it left John's lips- he just went back to cooking.

"What's with all this?" Chas asked suspiciously.

"All what?"

"Well, I know you didn't have bacon and eggs here, so you obviously went shopping. You're cooking for me, letting me sleep in your bed, bringing me breakfast in bed, letting me wear your clothes…"

John didn't take his eye off the eggs as he scrambled them. "Kid, why can't you just take the favors without reading into them?"

"Because you don't _do_ favors. That's not a 'John Constantine, badass' thing."

John sighed, dumping the eggs onto a plate. He turned and walked over to Chas, and then he smirked.

"Chas…you should've died today. And if you did, it would've been because I was twenty seconds too late. I owe you at least breakfast."

He went back to serving out the eggs and starting to cook the bacon, and Chas stuttered for a few moments. "John, I agreed to go in there. I knew how dangerous it was."

"I know."

"So…"

"Eat your eggs, Chas."

Chas sighed, grabbed a plate of eggs and a fork, and sat down at the table, beginning to realize just how hungry he was. He was surprised to find out that John _could _cook- in fact, he could cook damn well.

"So…what now?" Chas asked as John sat down and dropped a plate of bacon on the table.

"Now we follow up on the leads you got me."

"But I thought…"

John smirked, reached under the table, and then dropped Chas's oversized purse on the table, the files still in it.

"I told you we struck a deal. And don't you _dare_ think that you're done moonlighting as Chastity Carmichael."


	7. Chapter 7

I have kicked the ass of writer's block. Here is the next chapter. Less humor, more set up, more humor later though. I promise.

* * *

"No, John. Have you forgotten that I almost _died_? You're out of your _head_ if you think I'm gonna do this _again_!"

John smirked. "It's not the same thing, Chas. And it's not dangerous this time."

"Not dangerous…right. Am I still gonna be dressing like a girl?"

"Yes."

"Then it's _dangerous_. If I've figured out one thing this past week, it's that being female in LA is like being a baby antelope in the middle of pack of lions."

John smirked. "It'll get you into Midnite's club."

"Like I was saying, John, absolu-what? Midnite's? You'd get me into Midnite's?" Chas's eyes widened, and John's smirk didn't budge.

"That's what I said. You do this, and half of it is walking into Midnite's, sitting down at the bar, and having a drink. I know that's important to you, even _female_."

Chas studied John's expression for a moment, and then he leaned forward. "Tell me more."

* * *

"Alright, remember…Beeman will be waiting at the car right outside. And don't forget, your name is-"

"Chastra Bronwyn, Balthazar's illegitimate daughter. I know."

"Speaking of Balthazar, if he shows up-"

"Run like Hell. I got it, John," Chas said with a smirk. The smirk was just weird, though, since his lips were coated heavily with black lipstick, his eyes were lined with black liner, and his skin had been powdered down to stark white.

The demon he was looking for was into gothic girls. Chas certainly fit the part now, with his tattered black dress, fishnet hose, and straight, thick, long black hair.

John hesitated, obvious not sure about this anymore. Chas knew the club was more crowded than usual, but this was also his only shot for at least a few years of getting into Midnite's club and having a drink.

"Kid…" John started, but the words seemed to catch in his throat. Chas raised an eyebrow as John seemed to fight with himself for a few moments before looking up. "Be careful, kid. And stay away from windows."

Chas grinned. "You got it, boss."

Chas jumped out of the cab and headed for the club, oblivious to what happened next- John lowered his face into his hands, taking a few deep breaths as the stress took its toll.

* * *

Chas tried to take John's advice and not look like a kid in a candy store as he walked in, but it was _hard_. This was Midnite's club, he was inside, and he was about to sit down and buy a drink. In Midnite's club.

Nevermind the lipstick and high heels, this was _awesome_.

He could feel the eyes watching him as he walked toward the bar, but he was starting to get used to the stares. At least it told him his disguise was working.

His eyes scanned the bar until he caught sight of the man in the blue suit John had told him about- a demon named Theodore Millikan, or Das, to his friends. The man was sitting alone, his eyes fixed on the drink in front of him, a drink which looked suspiciously like blood.

Chas forced himself to ignore the man's greasy hair, red eyes, and swishing tail, and he strolled over to the bar, sitting down one seat away.

The bartender looked Chas over, and then smiled. "What'll it be then?" He asked, and Chas pretended to give it some hard thought.

"She'll have tonight's special. On me."

_Perfect. He fell right into it, _Chas thought, swiveling in his seat and crossing his legs as Das's eyes raked over him.

"What's the occasion?" Chas purred, leaning on the bar. Das grinned.

"That's up to you," he said, leaning forward just slightly and slipping his hand forward to rest on Chas's knee.

_Don't slap him, don't slap him, _Chas admonished himself, forcing a smile. "That sounds like a promise to me," he said, taking his drink from the bartender and taking a sip. He almost choked at the intense burn in his throat, a burn far worse than the whiskey he'd stolen from John.

"What's your name?" Das asked carefully.

"Chastra Bronwyn. You might know my father…"

"Oh really now?"

"Balthazar."

Das licked his lips, his eyes flashing a deeper red. John was dead on about the intense rivalry between Balthazar and Das in the underworld- Das would never pass up an opportunity to screw over the daughter of one of his biggest nemesis. "Let's get outta here," he said hungrily, his hand gripping Chas's knee tighter.

"I have a car waiting."

"Sounds good to me."

Chas took one more sip of his drink before putting it down, determined to look like it was normal to be here. Das wrapped an arm around Chas's waist as he stood up, pulling him eagerly toward the door.

"How much?" Das asked quietly, his movements to get Chas out becoming rougher. Chas felt his heart speed up- John told him the demon was always docile in public, collected and suave. Not that he would get violent.

Chas shook his head, feeling a bit woozy. Dizzy. "300 per hour. 1200 for the night," he managed.

"You're an expensive little whore, aren't you?"

"You want the best, don't you?" Chas shot back seductively- right before he was shoved out the door. He spun around angrily, shooting Das a glare. "You break it, you buy it, buddy," he growled, and Das put up his hands in surrender.

"Sorry, sorry. I'll pay for the night. A good tip, if you impress me," he said, all business once again. "Where's your car."

Chas jerked his head up the road, and then led Das to the waiting Mercedes. Beeman stepped out of the front seat, dressed like a chauffeur, and he opened the door for them.

"Miss Bronwyn…how was it?" He asked with a nonchalant tone, and Chas shrugged. His head still felt…off. Cloudy.

"Just fine. Take us to my place."

Das started at that. "Actually, I was thinking-"

"My place or not at all," Chas said, raising an eyebrow. That was all part of the plan; they get Das to the predetermined spot, where John could find out what he needed to know.

Das nodded, and they got in the car. Beeman got in the front, and Chas found himself dozing. That was when he first realized something might be _really _wrong.

_The bastard never touched my drink. How could he…_

_Oh shit._

The 'special'. Das had told the bartender to give Chas that day's 'special'. The bartender was also a demon.

Chas should've seen it coming.

"S…It's really…" Chas started, trying to give Beeman the 'alarm word'. He couldn't seem to form the words, though. Everything felt so _heavy_.

And quite suddenly, he realized that he was on his back on the seat, and Das was on top of him.

"Balthazar's gonna love this…I'm gonna tear you apart from the inside out," Das growled, but by then Beeman had noticed the situation. He jerked the car to the side of the road, hitting the horn loudly. Chas's cab stopped beside them, and before the demon could regain his bearings, the door jerked open and John yanked him out.

The rest was a blur to Chas. He knew he'd been drugged, but he didn't know what with- who knew what kind of drugs demons employed to rape unsuspecting women?

He could feel hands on him, hear Beeman's voice asking if he was alright, heard the sounds of a fist hitting flesh and John's intense cursing…then darkness.


	8. Chapter 8

"Chas…come on, kiddo, wake up."

Chas groaned, turned over, and fell back into sleep.

"You've been asleep for twelve hours. Get off your ass, I made you breakfast. Or, uh…lunch. A pancake lunch."

Chas slowly opened his eyes, rolling back over to give John a curious look.

"The guilt breakfast again?"

"Yeah. The guilt breakfast. Come on, move it."

"M'head hurts."

"I'll give you aspirin as soon as you eat something."

Chas moaned, said something not quite decipherable, and then slowly sat up.

"John?"

John turned in the doorway. "What?"

"…I'm wearing your clothes."

"Yeah, so?"

"I wasn't wearing your clothes before…"

John laughed. "It's not like I haven't seen you naked before. Get over it."

Chas's eyes widened, but John simply turned and left the room. Chas got out of bed and stumbled after him, the headache hitting him full force with all the movement.

"Hey, John, wait! Hey! What's that supposed to mean!"

He entered the kitchen just as John dropped a plate covered in pancakes on the table, and his mind was immediately torn between interrogating John further and stuffing his face. Of course, he could interrogate John just as effectively later, and he didn't want his pancakes getting cold.

He sat down and dragged the plate across the table to him, grabbed a fork, and started to eat. He was absolutely famished. John set a bottle of aspirin on the table beside his drink, and then went back to looking through a file sitting on the other side of the table.

"So, uh, John…what happened? After I…"

"I beat the shit out of him."

"Oh…" Chas said, taking another large bite of pancake and not bothering to finish chewing before he spoke again. "Did he tell you anything?"

"Nope."

"Oh."

Cue awkward silence.

"So…I have to do this again?" Chas asked hesitantly, and John shook his head.

"No. You don't. You're back to driving."

Chas choked on the food he'd been trying to swallow, coughed a few times, and then finally managed to choke out words. "Back to driving? _Back to driving, John?_"

"You just aren't ready, kid, not by a long shot. If you didn't notice a demon spiking your drink-"

"The _bartender_ spiked it, John! What, was I supposed to think _everyone_ in that club was plotting against me?"

"Yes, that's _exactly_ what you were supposed to think, Chas."

"So it's my fault?"

John hesitated a single moment, and Chas leaped on the pause, enraged.

"Oh, that's just great. That's just fucking _wonderful_, John. Next time you come home and a demon has royally kicked your _ass_, I'm just gonna say it's your fault and assume you can't handle it," He snapped, standing up and shoving the chair back into the table with a loud 'bang'.

"Chas, hang on a second-"

"Oh, but I might not be able to handle your words, John."

"Okay, that's fuckin' enough!" John snapped, standing up and roughly grabbing Chas by the shoulder. Chas stopped and closed his eyes for a few moments, his head pounding with pain.

"Listen to me, Chas," John said, turning the teenager to face him and tightly gripping both his shoulders, close enough that Chas could smell the stale smoke and whiskey on his breath. "When I said that you aren't ready, I don't mean that you aren't smart enough, fast enough, or strong enough. None of that shit. Because hell, when it comes to some of this shit about demons, you have more book smarts than I ever will."

Chas tilted his head and frowned, trying to ignore the strange feeling in the pit of his stomach and the tingling of his shoulders where John was gripping them. "What are you getting at?"

John hesitated again, as if planning out the words before he spoke them, and then he let go of Chas's shoulders. "What I'm getting at, Chas, is that time is working against you. You can read all the books you want, but nothing's going to prepare you like experience, experience you couldn't have gotten in seventeen years. But…experience without temperance will get you killed."

"So…"

"So what I'm saying is, no more solo missions for you until I think you can handle a half breed on your own."

Chas snorted. "Well, that'll be about _never_, according to you."

"Maybe. But we can discuss this when you're actually up to leaving the house. That drug is still in your system."

John turned and walked back to the table, and Chas just stood there for a few moments, uncertain. He'd quite suddenly lost his appetite.

"So…what now?" He finally asked. John looked up at him and raised an eyebrow, and Chas shrugged. "Hey, I did all that work. I'm not about to let you get away with doing nothing about it."

"I told you-"

"You told me no _solo_ missions. You didn't say anything about me not helping."

John chuckled, lighting up a cigarette. "Well…there may be _one _thing you could do…"


	9. Chapter 9

"I don't think I can do this, John."

John chuckled, watching as Karl finished up with the wig and set the veil on Chas's head. "Don't worry, kid, this is an easy one. Like I said, the guests all know it's a sham."

"But there's a _demon_ who was hired to kill us sitting in that church."

"Your dress has been blessed by a priest, not to mention worn by quite a few saintly women. He won't be able to get within five feet of you. And if he does…that's why the dress has a bulletproof inset."

Chas pouted. "I don't wanna get married. Especially not to you. That's just creepy," he said, although the funny feeling in his stomach was hinting otherwise.

John took a long drag off his cigarette. "It's fake. You know that."

"But still, it's a _wedding_, John. A wedding."

"You just now noticed?"

Chas snorted. "I can't believe you talked me into this…"

"You said you wanted to help, and the real bride didn't really want to do this mock marriage to catch a demon. You brought this on yourself."

"There. He's done," Karlos said, stepping back. Chas looked absolutely stunning, and absolutely _female_, in a simple lacey wedding dress. The dress was about three hundred years old and took about three hours of bartering a price to borrow it from Midnite's stash, but it was perfect.

John looked at his watch, and then put out his cigarette. "About that time…"

Chas wrinkled his nose. "You smoked that right before I have to kiss you? As if this wasn't bad enough already…"

"If this goes the way I think it will, kid, the wedding won't even get that far."

John left the room, and Karlos was positively beaming.

"My best work. You're simply fabulous. May I take a picture?"

"_NO_."

* * *

Chas never thought he'd be walking down the aisle.

One, because he's male. It's the girl's job to walk down the aisle. Two, he never saw himself 'settling down', so to speak. That sounded like a nightmare to him, being ties down, a 9 to 5 job…not for him. Not ever.

But here he was, trying to remember how Karlos told him to walk with the music as he stepped down the aisle. There were 'oos' and 'ahs' as 'Laura McDaniels' made her way down the aisle- all faked. Everyone but the demon knew this was a set-up, and that the bride was a stand-in.

Of course, none knew that the bride was also _male_. Not even the priest.

Finding a woman willing to marry John Constantine on this short notice? Impossible. Maybe even with all the notice in the world, impossible.

Maybe just flat out impossible.

Chas took a deep, shaky breath and looked up at John. He was standing by the altar, his hands shoved into his pockets, and Chas could just imagine his thoughts at the moment: _Why does this music have to be so damn slow? Can't the kid walk faster? I wish this demon would do his thing so I can get outta here and have a smoke…_

Chas almost laughed, and John quirked an eyebrow at him as he reached the altar. Chas gave him a grin, even though his view was slightly obscured by the veil.

"What's so funny?" John whispered, and Chas shrugged.

"Nothing…"

The next part of the ceremony was like watching paint dry- the Liturgy of the Word. The priest read passages from the Bible and talked endlessly about the sanctity of marriage, leaving Chas to his own thoughts.

He met John's gaze, and it was unnerving. John seemed to be lost in thought, staring at Chas, looking almost…peaceful. Thoughtful. Chas shifted uncomfortably, the butterflies in his stomach growing more frantic under John's studious gaze.

"You may now recite the marriage vows," the priest finally said, and one of the groomsmen stepped forward and handed John a ring. Chas's mind raced, and he was glad John was going first- he wasn't sure his frantic thoughts could piece together the vows he'd had to memorize the night before.

"In the name of God, I, James, take you, Laura, to be my wife," John started, taking a firm hold on Chas's hand, as if afraid the boy would try to pull away. His voice, though, was steady. "To have and to hold from this day forward…for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer…in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish…"

John's eyes met Chas's as he slipped the ring on the teenager's finger, and he gave Chas a smirk. "Until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow."

Chas mouth felt dry, his hands were shaking, and his knees felt weak. _What's your problem, Chas? This isn't real. You know it's not real, _he thought as he took the ring from one of the bridesmaids.

"In the name of God, I, Ch-er, Laura, take you, J-James, to be my w-uh, husband," Chas stuttered uncertainly, not looking up at John, instead keeping his eyes focused on John's hand as he grabbed it and harshly shoved the ring on, hoping to keep John from noticing that his hands were shaking. He heard a it of quiet, polite laughter from the pews, and he could already feel himself blushing deeply.

"To have and to h-hold from this day forward…for, um…for…" He looked at John helplessly, and John mouthed the next word. "Right. Uh…for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer…in sickness and in health, to…" He choked a bit on the words, then forced past that. "To love and to cherish…"

Chas hesitated again, and John reached up and tilted Chas's chin up, forcing the boy to look at him. Chas took a deep breath, then continued.

"Until we are parted by death. This…this is my solemn vow."

The priest went on with another Bible verse, and Chas expected relief, but none came. He was still just as nervous as before.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."

_Oh, shit, here goes, _Chas thought as John lifted the veil from his face. _Okay, you can handle this. Just relax. It's not real, it's all a sham, Chas, just remember that, and then…_

The next thing he knew, John's lips were pressed against his, and he let out a little squeak of surprise as John's hands cupped his face. He hesitated a moment before leaning into it, just to make it look real.

_That's the only reason you're letting him stick his tongue in your mouth. To make it look real. Of course._

A loud 'bang' broke through the fog that was Chas's mind at the feeling of John exploring his mouth, and a split moment later something slammed into his back _hard_. He fell against John as pain shot through his back, and a few seconds later it was utter chaos.

_He shot me. That bastard demon shot me, _Chas thought frantically, still in too much pain to move. Sure, his dress was bulletproof, but that didn't change the fact that the bullet hit him going what seemed like 500 miles an hour.

John handed him off to a couple of groomsmen who hadn't fled, and John took off after said demon, who'd taken off in the assumption he'd taken out the bride.

"You okay, ma'am?" One of the groomsmen asked, and Chas nodded numbly.

_I just kissed John._

_I just got shot._

_If my psychology teacher heard that, he'd start off on the whole Pavlov conditioning thing._

* * *

"Not bad, kid."

Chas looked up from the cold macaroni on the table to see John walking in the door. After the shooting, John had tons of things to deal with, and Chas was too bruised up and tired to argue when he was told to go home.

He gotten in a shower, a nap, and half of dinner before John came back from cleaning everything up. Of course, he hadn't had much of an appetite, with his mind restless.

"Yeah, well, I didn't do much," Chas said with a shrug, poking at his food. John dropped his jacket on the back of the chair, giving Chas a look.

"What's wrong with-"

"Nothing. I'm fine."

"Bullshit."

Chas snorted, but didn't say any more. John pulled a bottle of whiskey out of the cabinet, and an awkward silence settled in.

"Alright, kid, hand over the ring. I have to give it back in the morning," John said, holding out his hand. Chas looked down; he hadn't realized he was still wearing it.

On that note…John was still wearing his.

Chas shook that strange coincidence off, tugging the ring off his finger and dropping it into John's hand. John took his off and put them both on the counter, ready to be returned.

Chas stared at the rings for a few moments before returning his gaze to the macaroni. John sat down, pouring himself a glass of whiskey.

"So…" Chas started, and John took a swig of his whiskey.

"Spit it out, Chas."

"Well…about that kiss…"

"What about it?"

"You didn't tell me you were gonna shove your tongue down my throat."

"It looked real enough, didn't it? He fell for it, after all."

Chas sighed. "I know…but…"

John took another drink of his whiskey, and Chas swallowed hard.

"John, I was…I was kinda hoping we could do it again."

John looked up, and Chas's face flushed as he continued. "It was kinda nice, John, and I just figured-"

Chas didn't get a chance to finish the sentence, because John's lips were once again on his, and his hands were grasping Chas's shirt tightly. Chas leaned into it, keeping the lip-lock even in the uncomfortable over-the-table embrace.

_Maybe I should dress in drag more often._


End file.
